I don’t know if this should be scored for Urban Dictionary, for the net, for the English language or human creativity in general.
closing a door
First, he came for the spiders. She was afraid of spiders and we praised him. Then, he eliminated the ladybugs. A handful were rescued from his maw and shooed discreetly out the window. Now, he rarely has anything besides his pal Pip to chew on. When I saw him wildly leaping after a rare misguided housefly the other day, I realized that I need to start leaving a window cracked to attract more...
english language fail
I could really use a second-person plural pronoun better than y’all or you guys in my current correspondences. Yinz and youse won’t cut it either.
Hey, what was in that shit, man? →
I was 13 when my Mom first made me watch Up in Smoke. While other kids were still quoting Ace Ventura, my sisters and I were doing Cheech & Chong. If only the US would adopt sensible hemp laws, perhaps I’d look into car ownership again more seriously.
turning the tables
My sisters were driving into Boston to help with some preliminary packing and then whisking me off to the ancestral homeland for a big family cookout. I’d asked them to call when they hit the road, but as usual, there was no warning. With the late jump, I had to make haste to beat them home. Ordinarily, I do not pass on the right despite it being within my legal rights as a cyclist....
when I dropped Jack off at Riverdog, I warned them...